Boyfriend Has Problem With My Stray Cats?
Posted by: Alan in Cat Health Problem, tags: Boyfriend, Cat's, Problem, Stray, With
We’ve been together for 5 yrs now and just recently hit an issue. We’ve been living together for close to 2 yrs now.
I’ve ALWAYS, since I was a little girl, taken stray cats home. Always. It annoyed my dad to no-end but he knew it made me happy and allowed it within reason. My boyfriend knew this when we got together.
First yr living together, I could only have two cats. So I took them with me. Outside our apartment at the time, a stray had a litter of kittens. I caught them before they turned wild but he refused to let them stay with us until I found them homes. I took them to my parents. I see where he was coming from, the landlord would have been upset if she knew I had 7 cats. Even if I wasn’t keeping 5 of them.
Now we live in a 3 bedroom trailer. there’s only the two of us and the two cats, recently HE brought home a stray cat that had many medical issuess. Some have cleared up but another has came up. I mentioned taking the cat to a vet if it didn’t clear up (I’m not adopting him out if hes not healthy and fixed). He snapped and went on about how he can’t afford his medication and I’m spending our money on cats. His medications are $600 + a MONTH. And I’ve found a couple programs that’ll help him, he just has to get his doctor to sign some forms (he’ll see him in a couple weeks). My boyfrined is bipolar and hasn’t been on his meds for a couple months due to us not being able to afford them.
What can I do to convience him that yes, his health is important and I value him? Animals, especially cats, are my passion and lately I’ve been feeling held back by his attitude.
wasn’t sure where to post this, so I figured cat section lol He’s not trying to get me to get rid of any of the cats, well besides the stray but like I said once he’s healthy, then he can go. This is just something I’m going to do and for whatever reason, he takes it as an insult towards himself.
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November 23rd, 2009 at 3:24 am
Oh wow, you’re really in a no win situation aren’t you? This is probably not the place for me to have one of my rants about the cost of prescription drugs so I’ll spare you that. I don’t know what to tell you, all I can say is that I understand where you’re coming from and really think this is a tricky situation. Is there anyway he can get his meds cheaper? I’d say not or you would have done that already, you seem very smart.
I think you need to find some sort of balance but I’m also aware that the reason your boyfriend snapped about the stray he brought him was more due to him being bipolar than anything else.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be of much help but I really hope you find a solution. Best of luck to you, you deserve some good karma.
November 23rd, 2009 at 7:48 am
Loving animals is great but there is probley a limit. It’s the same with hobbies, drinking, working etc when you go above the norm it can be harmful.
You know the saying, know your limit and play within it.
Other then that I think you have a big heart and you seem like a very nice person to take care of animals.
November 23rd, 2009 at 11:50 am
Well there are two sides to every coin- thank god my boyfriend never told me “no” when it came to taking in cats- you want to be careful for your other cats though -some cat diseases are airborne and… know your limitations and use as many of the resources available to help get them taken care of ( if I were thinking in terms of problems with taking in cats- these would be my major obstacles, but they are different for every one)- its so hard to turn down an animal and I have never been able to do that- I find someway to help them, it hasn’t always been keeping them. good luck
November 23rd, 2009 at 4:10 pm
No one can answer this question for you, but if you are wondering about your boyfriend, maybe you already know the answer. Your cats are your world, and you need a man that thinks the world revolves around you, and is as passionate about animals as you are. I am also worried that you are already having drama with the mother-in-law, as those things only get worse when you get married. I think you need to search your soul and pay attention to the red flag warnings that are coming up. We can’t tell you the decision to make, but I wish someone had warned me not to marry my husband. I think this man and his family would be harmful to your spirit and your self esteem. I wish I could just tell you to get out, but that is easy for me to say, I am not the one making the decision. All I can do is pray for you, and hope that you do what is best for you, and not anyone else. Catherine Hepburn’s mother told her to make herself happy, and that way at least one person in the relationship is happy. I think that is good advise. I wish you well and will be praying for you.
November 23rd, 2009 at 9:49 pm
I recomend keeping cats you have but in the future keep one cat and remember that you saved that cats life. WIth the money you would have spent normally on cat food for the others donate it regularly to your local RSPCA or similar shelter to fund their de-sexing initiatives as this is how to get rid of the stray problem. It is great to take in these cats but you are solving the symptom (loads of stray cats) rather than the cause (people failing to desex their cats). If you find others hand them into the RSPCA or local shelter. Continue to take in cats as practical but don’t try to save the world, it’s not going to help the other millions of stray cats. Helping the organisations which tackle the cause is the most effective way.
For now explain to your boyfriend that this is the way you live and that you think it is important to give animals a chance at life. If he can’t live with that then is he worth it? Don’t you want someone who will support who you are.
November 24th, 2009 at 1:33 am
He maybe feeling like the cat is your partner not him! He maybe feeling jealous of the attention the cat getting and he’s not getting much.Buying the occassion presents just to let him no that you love him so much. Presents don’t have to cost the earth to mean something. I found some really nice gifts for 5.00 and under!
Try explaining how much the cat means to you, also tell him how much He means to you. You might want to try going out to a resturant for dinner like once a year or more. Resturant can be cheap if you look around.
November 24th, 2009 at 3:13 am
$600 a month sounds a lot, are you sure this vet is not taking advantage of you? Also, isn’t there any no-kill shelter that would agree to pay for these expenses? Or any neighbours or friends that could help?Anyway, my girlfriend is like that, with cats, and I don’t mind, I have even adopted one myself. Explain to your boyfriend that the money you are spending on the cats are the money you would be spending on you. He is supposed to earn the money for his medication or have insurance.
My personal opinion is that you’d be better off without this guy, but anyway, at least be on your own terms, not his.
November 24th, 2009 at 6:24 am
Well, if the poor lad is bipolar and not taking his meds, he is not going to be Mr. Normal.
Taking your actions as a personal insult is a form of paranoia – my ex had mental health issues, and they’d manifest in that way – eg. if I left my shoes on the bedroom floor he’d be like “You left them for me to trip over!” – if I dropped anything it would be “You made that noise just to give me a headache!”
In short, he’d see any accident as someone doing it on purpose to get at him. And oh boy did I have to watch my every word and even my tone of voice………..
This was 40+ years ago, when diagnosis and treatment were even less efficient than they are now. Back then mental problems still carried a huge social stigma as well.
So I know he can’t help his illness, but your man’s meds must be your priority for everyone’s sake – including the cat’s.
If money for the vet is an issue, go to your local animal charity for help, try the ASPCA and see if they can advise you.
All best wishes.